When I was 22 I set off on an adventure. I had some money saved up and I decided I would go to Europe, by myself if need be, but luckily for me a long-time friend also had the desire to travel and so we started planning our grand adventure.
Up until this point in my life I had followed the rules and guidelines set out for me. I attended all of my dance classes, I never missed a day of work. I dutifully attended to every requirement detailed by my family, employers and the directors of my life. I had been seeing someone for over 2 years and he had recently travelled to Europe. He never asked if I wanted to go with him. When I questioned him he said “I didn’t think you could afford it”.
Henceforth I stood there one day in his room, at his parent’s house where he still lived at 28, and I saw a note on the floor of his room. It had a girl’s name and a phone number. A number referring to a place in France. I queried it. It’s nothing, he said. The doubt lingered.
Life had seemed easy until that point but things started to unravel. Things I had always held dear started to fall apart. I had danced all my life and it always brought me great joy. I had been teaching dance for nearly 5 years at this point and I really enjoyed that too. It’s hard to put a finger on it but I think I just felt the need to move on. I needed to explore who I was outside of the predesigned spaces I encapsulated myself in since high school. I had spent over four years of my life auditioning for professional theatre productions and it had become tiring. Call back after call back and not quite nailing the part. It was disheartening.
The funny thing is, I had never gone out into the world with the plan to dance and perform professionally. It was simply something that I was good at and enjoyed. By the act of trying to make a living out of it, however, it had become work. I felt unsettled as I had forgotten why I was doing it in the first place.
I also worked in a couple of other day time casual jobs and those had started to feel like they were going nowhere for me either. It was in a moment of clarity that I realised the time had come for me to spread my wings. I had always wanted to go to Europe. In fact I had just wanted to leave Australia. I had been on a plane twice in my memory, both short haul flights. It was definitely a huge step out of my comfort zone to travel halfway across the world.
So the decision was made, I informed my places of work and resigned myself to the decision I had made. It felt equal parts exhilarating and scary. I bought travel guides and I immersed myself in them, working out where I wanted to go and places I had to see. But honestly I only had a very rough guide as it all felt fantastical and not real life. My friend and I booked an around the world ticket, starting off with an arrival in Heathrow, and then we visited the Vic Market to buy our backpacks. We bought super large backpacks as we had so much to carry.
A few weeks before we left I cut my hair. My hair went to my waist and I cut it to ear length. I felt like it would be easier to handle if it was short while travelling. I got some pretty extreme reactions to this, I had no idea that people were so impacted by my hair length! Regardless, it was a fresh feeling for me to have short hair and it felt right for the next phase of my life.
The day had come where we were about to embark on our great adventure. I can sincerely say I have never cried so much in my life as the hours preceding walking through that International Departure Gate.
I should mention that a few weeks prior I had told my boyfriend, of over 2 years, that I needed to do this by myself and it was time for us to take a break. His words were, “Do what you want just don’t tell me about it”. I distinctly remember us fighting about this at that moment but further down the track it was disputed. Regardless I knew in my heart that our relationship was coming to a close. It had been odd since the start, a fact I became more keenly aware of as I explored other romantic relationships later on, but regardless I had invested my heart and soul into it for over 2 years and I was genuinely devastated that we had reached that point.
He saw me off at the airport, along with my family and I sat there and cried silent tears. I felt like my chest would burst and I questioned why I had put myself into this position. I had an open ended ticket to travel the world, $13,000 in savings and a backpack full of my belongings. I was scared to death.
